It's with a heavy heart...

that we are penning down this post. We mourn the sad and untimely demise of two of our fellow iiitbians Shubham Gokhlani and Sumit Khurana. Please join us in offering our heartfelt condolences to their families and friends.

- iiit-b

Some people never learn

Subject: Re: Regarding KBC joining date email which some of us did not receive.

Oh....
Ah....

I really enjoyed that. I am gonna make an MMS out of all this nonsence for the next iiitb con video. Basically they are trying to improve engliss but I have no hope. Kyon ki Just read my orkut page and any of my testimonials. I still say stuffs when its actually stuff. And I write 'from long' when its 'for long'. Yes. My engliss is improving but slowly and slowly and slowly and slowly and slowly and slowly and slowly and slowly and slowly and slowly and slowly ... yaar let me be frank. Its not.

And if anyone understands my last sentence, I swear I will propose to you and will give you an F grade when you say no (which you surely will). I svare. And if you say, 'Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?' I will give you an I grade. Kyon ki Its a new grade. Yaar, they keep adding new kinds of grades like it has always been there.

if u speak bad engliss 8 howers daily that means the other person is going to loss 20 ears in a averaze life of 60 ears to understand it. i think u all know the importance of 20 years so believe me and stop listening to me.

www.chandnibar.xxx
Suck-la (Chameli)
Roll Over 34-28-32

________________________________

From: pmily
To: turban-deep ; iiitbs
Sent: Thursday, January 25, 2007 9:23 AM
Subject: Re: Regarding KBC joining date email which some of us did not receive.

I am still not clear on what you are trying to tell or ask. I am sorry I followed the instructions exactly - reading mails with spirit and LSD on insti roof and all.

Whatever internals they wanted, I gave them. Intestines, colons and all. Instead of ALL these crappy group mails, all it would have taken was ONE group mail by any of the KBC Internals about the dates.

Also, how many times do u people expect me to touch ur bases? i am gonna close the loop soon... and while im at it, i'll close the noose around my neck as well.. hope the rope doesnt snap.. i dont wanna touch base when it does.

-Pmily
________________________________

From:shahrukhsworstmovieever@date-keeper.com

HAHAHAHAHAHAA! HAHAHAHAAHAH! HAHAHAHAAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAA! HAHAHAHAAHAH! HAHAHAHAAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAA! HAHAHAHAAHAH! HAHAHAHAAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAA! HAHAHAHAAHAH! HAHAHAHAAHA!

RegardHAHAHAHAHAHAA! HAHAHAHAAHAH! HAHAHAHAAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAA! HAHAHAHAAHAH! HAHAHAHAAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAA! HAHAHAHAAHAH! HAHAHAHAAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAA! HAHAHAHAAHAH! HAHAHAHAAHA!
s

-Kantstoplaufing

________________________________

From:cantkeepcountanymore@totallyunrelated.com
Subject: Re: Regarding KBC joining date email which some of us did not receive.

Dear All,

First of all, i also agree that it is unfair to link personal & professional issues.

Professionally I mite seem alrite. I love cute kids, so what else can you expect? Nobody is perfect. Thats why I work hard for the smaller bodies. In my opinion, which no body cares, ......

The concerned officer and the concerned student have mixed up professionalism and personalism. The officer, (though I make officer sound like he's a secret nameless Nazi SS officer with dogs, guns and electric chairs.. he's just another person with a name). On my part, I have mixed up professionalism so much that I dont use names anymore. The concerned student mixed up personalism and professionalism. Since someone had asked for spirits to be taken with an email they sent, this mixing has occured. Lets jus quit drinking in hostels and do LSD on insti roof instead. Er, I mean, sort them at a different level. Lets all kiss and make up shall we? Call me 1-800-cutekidlover.

-Coondhan

eef you come today, its too yarly, eef you kam tomarrow, eets too late.. tick tick tick tick

________________________________

From:sixthparty@totalcrap.com
Hi all,

It is my sole duty to use such opportunities to spam mailboxes. I still havent gotten over the magic of email and wonder 'wow.. how does that work?!' everytime I send an email. Here, you wonder too!

Hope this mail is taken with spirit.

Cheers!
-Jmulbe
________________________________

Subject: Re: Regarding KBC joining date email which some of us did not receive.

Hi Pmily,

How dare you not touch the subject inspite of all his pleading. I have and I regret I did not earlier. Remember the last time I asked you to go on. I was joking. Also no unnecessary diversions. The people already can't watch where they are going or what they're saying.

Regards,
iamsheet
http://iamsheet.blogspot.com

________________________________

From:fifthparty@totalcrap
Subject: Re: Regarding KBC joining date email which some of us did not receive.

I have nothing new to say, or add. but just to check if send button of outlook is working, i am gonna repeat what fourthparty had to say, but some suckers will believe I have actually said something new. This is for them.

-fifthparty
________________________________

From:fourthparty@peasmaker.com
Subject: Re: Regarding BurgerKing joining dating emailing, whiching er, which some of us did not receive.

Peas. Everybody concerned should just use differences as manure and start growing peas.

-Brandy
The IIIT-B Peas Growing Force

________________________________

From:thirdparty@mit-plagiarism.com
Subject: Re: Regarding KBC joining date email which some of us did not receive.

Hi Pmily,

Excuse me? Are we not free enough around here? Or does the very fact that someone here questions is akin to making a mountain out of a molehill? Am I? Was I? Will I? Do I? Say Hi?

Regards,
iamsheet
http://iamsheet.blogspot.com
________________________________

Subject: Re: Regarding KBC joining date email which some of us did not receive.

Hi Internals,

I can only take you till the water. Not make you drink it. I can only show you the tree. Am in no shape to climb stairs, how do I climb trees to get you dates?! So you can all snort what you want, but no more spoon-feeding, sleep-depriving, running around, pole-vaulting from my end. Go pluck your own dates.

Pmily
Mr. Pmily OnLiqour
Manager - Reach Out
International Institute for Internally Troubled
Formerly, Indian Institute for Imbecile Trouts.
934934939 - for calls
934939494 - for sms

________________________________

Subject: Regarding KBC joining date email which some of us did not receive.

Hi Pmily,

I would like to know the reason for some of us not receiving the dates we wanted. blah blah...

Regards,
The Internals

-The Usual Suspects. and Ajay too.

Indexed Inspired

A walk down memory lane

By Pradeep "marlboro" Puthparampil

The once bustling corridors now wear a deserted look. With each passing day, a few more rooms become empty. The resounding laughter, and the often pointless, but passionate discussions are just a distant noise now, fading into the realm of memories.

We all set out from here, armed with imparted wisdom ready to chart our own course, to face life in our own ways. Some of us will go on to live our dreams, others will not be so lucky, but all of us start from a common ground, one where all of us have shared the same experiences. It is these experiences that promise to bind us together. We all leave promising to stay in touch with each other, although our jobs and responsibilities might take us to different places, and in course of time, we might not live up to the promises we make. Sometimes, some of us might even cross paths, literally, without even knowing it ; but we will just have to take solace in the fact that , we all shared something in common, that some of the most eventful years of our lives were spent in each other’s company.

Like the times when we used to spend all those endless nights bent over our laptops, coding away to glory on the MFC projects, surviving on countless cups of hot coffee; the passionate design discussions (or should I say “debates”), the occasional silly fights, the inconsequential misunderstandings, the haggling over the access to the discussion rooms(though I have my own doubts about the productivity of it all, anyways…). The time when Prof. Das, was the unofficial warden, and we used to wait and scheme to pour out all our complaints to the Prof. about hot water, drinking water, unclean bathrooms and what not J !! The philosophical digressions of Prof. Srinath’s classes, Prof. Keerthi’s biting humor and wit, Prof. Mahabala’s rantings , and of course, the phenomenally unsuccessful experiment of Prof. LaxmiNarayan’s audio-conferenced Probablility classes are of course unforgettable.

Of course, all these classes were interspersed with us running to the pantry during the break time, each eager to get there as fast as he could, to get his or her own cup of coffee. Needless to say, the atmosphere inside the pantry had begun to resemble that of any typical stock exchange during it’s peak trading time when nobody understands why everybody keeps shouting at everybody else.

We cannot, by any means, forget the “ragging” (or should we call it “bragging” session) by our thoughtful seniors, when they decided that enough was enough, and that it was time to put the young, brash, smart asses in their rightful places. All I can actually remember is that it came to an end with some of us singing songs. Well, that was that. I’m sure most of us wouldn’t want to relive that anyway.

I still cannot forget the day when we ran to attend Prof. KVD’s morning class, only to find that half the class had been made to stand near the screens, because they had come late for class. Most of us were, by this time, immune to any attempts at shame, humiliation, guilt or any such thing, so we couldn’t do much, but join our comrades trying to hide our sheepish smiles, while trying our best to look genuinely sorry. Then came the oft-heard lecture about how our generation has become lazy, and all. And as if that were not enough, to everyone’s surprise Prof KVD decided to top it up with a surprise quiz, a program to calculate the roots of a quadratic equation. A page straight from school!!

It’s a different thing that none of us actually learnt from these mistakes. There was this one time, when more than half the class, bunked the software engineering class, and the remaining half of the class in an act of immense generosity, decided to help out their lazy buddies by swiping their smart cards. Of course, this had been going on for a little over a week by then, and it was more than Senthil could take. So, on that fateful day, Prof. Mahabala, with a little assistance from ace detective Senthil, escalated the issue, and all of us had to stand in line for the obviously well rehearsed interrogation by Prof. Sadagopan. Prof Sadagopan had by then made up his mind that it was time the students’ were reminded of their school life, so off went a letter of apology to the parents describing their ward’s inappropriate behaviour. Now, as fate would have it, Mr. Naim Afsheen (I’m not sure how the name is spelt, so do forgive me if I have misspelt it!!) along with Prof. Balaji decided to add some more life to the play, and brought up the issue of BEC attendance.(The astute reader will here remember that, this was the time when it had taken just one listening to those ridiculous tape recordings, to frighten most of us away from attending those sessions for the rest of its duration) So , a few more students got canned that fateful day, and that day shall probably go down as a red letter day in the history of our batch, for all the wrong reasons, of course!!

Then one fine day , the announcement came through, well not without it’s own share of hype and drama, of course, that iiitb had been declared as a deemed university, and we were now on our way to becoming M.Techs and not some awkward sounding PGDIT-holders !! It was a relief I guess for all of us, and most of us would have said a silent prayer.

Well after that, there was the summer semester. I guess we ended up learning the universal secret of success, two words, that could answer even the most profound of queries, which when applied could melt even the harshest of hearts or vice-versa : “So what !! “ .

Well, we did have our fun moments too. We did have all those dance parties, where some danced and most ogled, while some others decided to get high. Of course we shall not delve into that here. J I think most of us used to look forward to these occasions more for the respite of better food than for the dance parties.

Birthdays of course have always been a much awaited event in our campus, when the poor hapless souls, who were unfortunate enough to be in the hostel, on their birthdays, got properly kicked on the butt, before having their face made into a canvas of cake and cream. Birthdays were the time for everyone to bring out their hidden bottled up aggression, this was the time when no one could question anyone’s motives, and anybody could get away with anything. More recently, the student community has been kind enough to give the birthday babies a proper bath in the pristine ice cold waters of our own little pond. It’s a different story altogether for the birthday baby of course, who finds it difficult to walk straight for a week following his birthday. This is the time of great insight and introspection, where he makes up his mind to practice some serious ass-kicking to avenge himself the next time around. Didn’t I say birthdays are a much awaited event here!! So, goes the cycle …

No account of iiitb is complete without a mention of our profs. We have all held them in awe, of their knowledge, of their skill, of their passion, though some of us will not admit it openly. In our own ways we have acknowledged them, and we have admired them secretly. Part of our pride has come from the fact that we belong to an institution where the likes of these men teach. Far away, in our own villages and towns, we walk with our heads held high, because we have seen a different life, through this institution, we have been exposed to a whole new world, a world where people rise beyond petty differences, where power is not abused, where nothing is taken for granted, where a person’s worth is measured not by how much he owns, but by how much he knows, a world where knowledge is supreme.

Placement Bytes

Life from the eyes of a placement team member…

~ Man that HR is cute, if only this exam didn’t have to count so much!!!

~ [At an annoying HR making unreasonable demands] What do you mean you want to be scheduled on the first day? For the ridiculously low pay package you offer? And you don’t even sound cute!

~ [On the empty handed arrival of company HR executives] What?!??? No goodies? We get up at 8 in the morning put on gaudy shirts and rush to the reception for this?? Least you could;ve done is got us a friggin pen with your friggin logo on it !!! You are last the next time around..!

Look at that HR taking pics.. (pointing fingers at a company executive) Hehehe..maybe we should go upto her and charge her !
Exhibit #1 , garden… that’ll be Rs 20 ma’am.
Exhibit #2 , The strange mathematical object near the director’s cabin? Erm that’s Rs 25 per shot ma’am. Infact you could pay us about Rs 40 and have it.
Meee? You want a pic of me? Oh come on ma’am.. :)

[Lunchtime no pizzas remaining… ] They come to our campus, eat our pizzas, drink our pepsi , take photos and ogle at our campus and recruit only 1 ???!?? And refuse to send the offer letters even after 6 weeks and that too for a lousy internship? Who do they think they are? Google?

[just prior to the presentation] Yes sir, that’s the board.. No you don’t flip to the next page by surgically moving it using a crowbar.. you just tap at that green arrow…. Yep TAP … see magic... you use this pen… yep it’s a light pen alrite…. Tap tap scribble scribble… see more magic .... now lets get on with the talk..shall we?

[Company executives describing the passion quotient one needs to possess for testing… ]
Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn…wake me up when the talk about pay arises..

SCANDAL: PLacement officer bags the highest pay!!

Even as the shock waves begin to recede through the campus, some crucial questions have been plaguing everyone's minds, Questions that are laced with suspicion, and disbelief. The man,in question though hasnt gotten over the euphoria, or atleast pretends that way. Yeah you guessed it right, we are talking about Dilip Sookumar here. The same Dilip who surprised the entire campus wih his placement in Mycrosoft. While most people might just dismiss it as a coincidence, we have reason to believe that there are darker and more sinister secrets behind the "success" story and everything is not as idyllic as it might appear. Here are some of the facts that have lent credence to our theory.

Dilip Sookumar's first cousin, BhagyaLaxmi Sooperkumari happens to be best friends with the HR executive of Mycrosoft, during their MBA, at Little Flower's, Pune. Apparently, they were roommates, and bonded very well together.They would have pillow fights for hours, giggling about silly irrelevant issues..anyways..

A day before the placement team was to be finalised, Dilip was spotted taking the chief placement officer P-mily for lunch at a very expensive joint in town, even though at the beginning of the term , Dilip showed absolutely no interest in joining the placement team.

It didn't shock us therefore that Mycrosoft which earlier had the GPA , suddenly on the day of placement decided to waive it off.

We also now have conclusive evidence given to us by one of the placement officers,on condition of anonymity, that Dilip had been making quite a few long distance calls to Cyberarabad over the last couple of months, although he himself has confessed to having no relatives or friends there.

It is said that the controversy, has its root dug deep thru the entire spread of MS management. It therefore, came as no surprise to us, that Bill Gates decided to recently quit , in disgust ,the company he started .

Now rumored to be working on a book , titled 'How I became the most eligible bachelor overnight' , slated for release in September, Dilip has just one thing to say when confronted with all these glaring facts

" Datastructures Macha.." he drawls.

Yeah right!!


P.S Some names have been changed to protect the identities of the People, Organizations and Institutions !
Courtesy - Pradeep "Marlboro" Puthparampil , Krishna "Mojo" Kumar and Hashish D

Kwality "Walls" - Eye Screams !!!!

The existence of the Berlin Wall is causing a lot of distress and frustration in the minds of young socialist IIIT-B students.
A march in protest to attract the administration's attention is being organised from the Men's Hostel (MH) - > registrar's room - > volvo bus-stop where in you take the volvo to City Sagar -> Dominos -> Canteen-> Women's Hostel (WH) TV room -> Terrace -> bunjee jump all the way to the pool.

Some of our suggestions for the berlin-wall are as follows...

1. Break the damn thing.

2. Burn it.

3. Arrangement of daily meetings into the WH , with prior booking from ABY.(Bookings open till 12:00 noon daily)

4. Allowing access from the terrace.( To hell with the wall)

5. There is an ingenious method of communication as used conventionally in jails. Two phones could be arranged on either side of the wall which has a window like arrangement. With an elderly prof/ short registrar/ Severly-Damaged-English speaking BEC teacher/ Frustrated security guard/Ever smiling System Admin/P-mils standing for watch!

6. Half the wall could be broken , pessimist(sexist) iiitb students could assume its half closed , while the optimist(socialist) iiitb students could assume its half open!

7. Walls bearing doors with access cards can be arranged for.
Privileged cards for

• those who have >=1 testimonials in orkut from the opposite sex.
• watched DDLJ >=666 times
• those who won the rangoli event at spamdan recently

8. In a recent debate at the annual swashbuckling college fest "Spamdan", one intellectual individual admitted that 22-29 happens to be a very "unpredictable age". We to-date haven't been able to figure out what that means ( sounds dangerous though ) but these individuals shall be barred from all privileges and kept at a custom-made asylum (where the Open Some Labs guys reside)

9. One drop box on either side of the hostel where prospective casanovas can post their resumes can be arranged too. They need not try and use the mailbox to flirt in a subtle yet public sense anymore.(Red-deep note).

Those interested in all the tear-jerking / sentiment pouring /mom-in-law bashing soaps will be granted access to the TV room at the WH. While those with a penchant for gory action sequences and mindless pelvic thrusting dance sequences of regional language movies will be granted access to the MH T.V room.


dialup shoomacher/ huh-rish